I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
