are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
