toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
