I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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