you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
