Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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