Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
