I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
