a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
vagina is talking i cant
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
