hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
