I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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