I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
