Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
