Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
