So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
