You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
