Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
