Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
