Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
