Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My ass is underappreciated
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
