oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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