where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
