what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
