none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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