you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
