fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
