i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
