Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude i'm inner monologue high
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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