The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
