I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
