Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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