i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
