if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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