why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
