When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
