is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Plan B is the new Plan A
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
