He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
