I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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