So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
