i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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