She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
