There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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