I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
