there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
