i always forget guys have bellybuttons
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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