he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
