I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
