We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
