We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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