one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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