Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
