I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
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