WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
