Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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