this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
