There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
