the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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